"Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no child-like faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!"
--Francis P. Church, from the New York Sun, September 21, 1897.
Christmas soon! Christmas Christmas Christmas! Woo0000 Christmas!
I realized I have more to say about Christmas songs other than my hatred of "Christmas Shoes." And while I do love Christmas music, after 187 renditions of "Do You Hear What I Hear?" this month, I'm ready for a little change.
I have therefore very thoughtfully compiled a list of some of my favorite Christmas songs seldom heard on the radio. I've also provided links, and hopefully they all work properly. Please enjoy!
Simple Birth by Barbara Higbie
Darlin' (Christmas is Coming) by Over the Rhine
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen by Barenaked Ladies
Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy by Bing Crosby and David Bowie
My Christmas Card to You by The Partridge Family
The 12 Days of Christmas by John Denver and the Muppets
Happy holidays, everyone!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Bad Drivers
"What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey, that's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary."
--George Bailey, It's a Wonderful Life
Today we'll be talking about bad drivers.
Every once in a while I'll be driving down the highway at a comfortable 68 mph when all of a sudden I'm blinded by brake lights. And after creeping and crawling for a quarter of an hour I find out that all of this traffic was caused by a fender bender. Not a car crash -- a fender bender. All lanes are open, cops are already on the scene, yet people feel the inexplicable need to slow to 15 mph in the middle of the highway to take a look. They might as well come to a complete stop, put it in park and bring out their binoculars like they're at some damn safari.
Do these people not understand that they're not the only people on the road? Keep it up and you'll have something much worse than a fender bender.
And while we're on the subject, why do people feel the need to drive 15 below the speed limit whenever they see a cop? They're zooming along at a healthy 70 mph, they see a cop, they SLAM on their brakes and start going 50 mph. Who do they think they're kidding?
One more jab, then I'm done. It seems like whenever I'm waiting for a parking spot or a pump at the gas station, people take their sweet ass time. It is, without a doubt, the smallest amount of power that can go to a person's head.
They see that I want the parking spot, and they decide that they need to touch up their lipstick before putting the car in reverse. Or clean their car. Or they need to make a quick phone call, which, in my imagination, always goes something like this:
"Hey, Joe. I'm just getting out of the mall, the crowds are crazy. Some chick behind me wants my spot. No, I'll move when I'm good and ready. It's really funny, actually, there's like a line of cars behind her. MWA-HA-HA!"
Bastards.
Anyway, Happy Holidays!
--George Bailey, It's a Wonderful Life
Today we'll be talking about bad drivers.
Every once in a while I'll be driving down the highway at a comfortable 68 mph when all of a sudden I'm blinded by brake lights. And after creeping and crawling for a quarter of an hour I find out that all of this traffic was caused by a fender bender. Not a car crash -- a fender bender. All lanes are open, cops are already on the scene, yet people feel the inexplicable need to slow to 15 mph in the middle of the highway to take a look. They might as well come to a complete stop, put it in park and bring out their binoculars like they're at some damn safari.
Do these people not understand that they're not the only people on the road? Keep it up and you'll have something much worse than a fender bender.
And while we're on the subject, why do people feel the need to drive 15 below the speed limit whenever they see a cop? They're zooming along at a healthy 70 mph, they see a cop, they SLAM on their brakes and start going 50 mph. Who do they think they're kidding?
One more jab, then I'm done. It seems like whenever I'm waiting for a parking spot or a pump at the gas station, people take their sweet ass time. It is, without a doubt, the smallest amount of power that can go to a person's head.
They see that I want the parking spot, and they decide that they need to touch up their lipstick before putting the car in reverse. Or clean their car. Or they need to make a quick phone call, which, in my imagination, always goes something like this:
"Hey, Joe. I'm just getting out of the mall, the crowds are crazy. Some chick behind me wants my spot. No, I'll move when I'm good and ready. It's really funny, actually, there's like a line of cars behind her. MWA-HA-HA!"
Bastards.
Anyway, Happy Holidays!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Christmas Shoes
Adult Ralphie: [narrating] The old man stood there, quivering with fury, stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher. All he got out was...
The Old Man: Naddafinga!
--A Christmas Story
I love Christmas music. I usually start listening to it in mid-October, ignoring all those stubborn people who insist that such things must wait until after Thanksgiving.
When I was younger, my favorite Christmas song was "Santa Claus is Coming to Town." We have this home movie of my dad singing it with me. It goes a little something like this:
Dad: He sees you when you're...
Me: Seeping.
Dad: He knows when you're...
Me: UP!
Dad: He knows if you've been...
Me: Bad-or-good.
Dad: Santa Claus is coming...
Me: ...TO TOWWWWWN!!!!
I was only two, and completely adorable.
Anyway, there is one Christmas song that is played year after year that makes me want to track down the artist, rip out my own ears and throw them at him. It's called "Christmas Shoes."
This has got to be the WORST SONG EVER WRITTEN. There are so many things wrong with it that I don't know where to begin explaining what's wrong with it. Even the title of the song is ridiculous. But I'm sure as hell going to try.
For one thing, it's a cliche starring a grumpy man who has been sucked into materialism and has forgotten the true meaning of Christmas. Oh, the unexpected horror. And the only thing in the world that can make him believe again is a little boy whose mother is dying.
And I realize that saying that so casually makes me sound like a bitch, but hear me out.
Why did he leave his mother's side if she's so ill? Why isn't he with his family? AND! This kid goes out on Christmas Eve to get his sick mother a present? What the eff took him so long? He's apparently old enough to be out and about on his own, so I don't want to hear any excuses. And he goes for a pair of shoes? Really? Shoes are not exactly a thoughtful gift, especially if he picks them out at the last minute amongst a hoard of other shoppers. And they're probably ugly if a nine-year-old kid picked them out, let's be honest.
Then we find out that not only did this kid forget to buy his own mother a gift, but he didn't even bring enough cash to purchase it. He turns to our hero of the song and is all "Wtf am I gonna do, Sir?"
And of course...
So I laid the money down, I just had to help him out
I'll never forget the look on his face when he said
Mama's gonna look so great
Wow, what an incredibly generous man! He's so wonderful! He helped a child! What a beautiful gesture! His heart grew three sizes that day! Now he knows what Christmas is all about!
My GOD.
The Old Man: Naddafinga!
--A Christmas Story
I love Christmas music. I usually start listening to it in mid-October, ignoring all those stubborn people who insist that such things must wait until after Thanksgiving.
When I was younger, my favorite Christmas song was "Santa Claus is Coming to Town." We have this home movie of my dad singing it with me. It goes a little something like this:
Dad: He sees you when you're...
Me: Seeping.
Dad: He knows when you're...
Me: UP!
Dad: He knows if you've been...
Me: Bad-or-good.
Dad: Santa Claus is coming...
Me: ...TO TOWWWWWN!!!!
I was only two, and completely adorable.
Anyway, there is one Christmas song that is played year after year that makes me want to track down the artist, rip out my own ears and throw them at him. It's called "Christmas Shoes."
This has got to be the WORST SONG EVER WRITTEN. There are so many things wrong with it that I don't know where to begin explaining what's wrong with it. Even the title of the song is ridiculous. But I'm sure as hell going to try.
For one thing, it's a cliche starring a grumpy man who has been sucked into materialism and has forgotten the true meaning of Christmas. Oh, the unexpected horror. And the only thing in the world that can make him believe again is a little boy whose mother is dying.
And I realize that saying that so casually makes me sound like a bitch, but hear me out.
Why did he leave his mother's side if she's so ill? Why isn't he with his family? AND! This kid goes out on Christmas Eve to get his sick mother a present? What the eff took him so long? He's apparently old enough to be out and about on his own, so I don't want to hear any excuses. And he goes for a pair of shoes? Really? Shoes are not exactly a thoughtful gift, especially if he picks them out at the last minute amongst a hoard of other shoppers. And they're probably ugly if a nine-year-old kid picked them out, let's be honest.
Then we find out that not only did this kid forget to buy his own mother a gift, but he didn't even bring enough cash to purchase it. He turns to our hero of the song and is all "Wtf am I gonna do, Sir?"
And of course...
So I laid the money down, I just had to help him out
I'll never forget the look on his face when he said
Mama's gonna look so great
Wow, what an incredibly generous man! He's so wonderful! He helped a child! What a beautiful gesture! His heart grew three sizes that day! Now he knows what Christmas is all about!
My GOD.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
The Swing of Things
"So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."
--The Perks of Being a Wallflower
I've been a complete slacker for the past week or two when it comes to my Couch to 5K project. For one thing, it became way too cold to run outside so I decided to join a gym. Thing is, there are two gyms in my area. So I debated for a while which one to join, then when I finally figured that out, my credit card had expired and I hadn't been sent a new one...yada yada yada, long story short, I finally joined Planet Fitness in Fairfield today.
The gym is a lot nicer than I thought it'd be. It's only $10 a month with a $1 membership fee. There are tons of machines there. I ran on the treadmill for 13 minutes today, which is better than I thought I'd be able to do after having such a long hiatus. I also did some of the weight lifting machine thingies. (That's the technical term, right?)
Anyway, it felt really good to be running again. It's hard to get the motivation to even walk the fifteen feet to my car in the 20 degree weather, so hopefully I can keep this up.
Also, I've been cleaning out my bedroom closet. I've got a ton of boxes from high school and college filled with letters, newspaper clippings, papers. and various ribbons and plaques. It was really fun looking through everything, and made me miss college a bit. I tried to consolidate all those shoe boxes into one big box. So far so good!
P.S. The quote for today is from one of my favorite books. Go read it.
--The Perks of Being a Wallflower
I've been a complete slacker for the past week or two when it comes to my Couch to 5K project. For one thing, it became way too cold to run outside so I decided to join a gym. Thing is, there are two gyms in my area. So I debated for a while which one to join, then when I finally figured that out, my credit card had expired and I hadn't been sent a new one...yada yada yada, long story short, I finally joined Planet Fitness in Fairfield today.
The gym is a lot nicer than I thought it'd be. It's only $10 a month with a $1 membership fee. There are tons of machines there. I ran on the treadmill for 13 minutes today, which is better than I thought I'd be able to do after having such a long hiatus. I also did some of the weight lifting machine thingies. (That's the technical term, right?)
Anyway, it felt really good to be running again. It's hard to get the motivation to even walk the fifteen feet to my car in the 20 degree weather, so hopefully I can keep this up.
Also, I've been cleaning out my bedroom closet. I've got a ton of boxes from high school and college filled with letters, newspaper clippings, papers. and various ribbons and plaques. It was really fun looking through everything, and made me miss college a bit. I tried to consolidate all those shoe boxes into one big box. So far so good!
P.S. The quote for today is from one of my favorite books. Go read it.
Monday, December 6, 2010
It's the Holiday Season...
"Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space."
--Dave Barry
I usually consider December to be my favorite month. Ironically, it can also be the most stressful.
The reason for both is Christmas. I think I like the anticipation that goes along with Christmas more than the day itself. The entire month of December is devoted to Christmas songs, cookies, TV specials and decorations out the wazoo.
It's also a time of shopping. On every December 26th, I promise myself that I'm going to get my shopping done early next year. And the day after every Thanksgiving, I think to myself, "Pfft, I've got plenty of time." And then mid-December comes around and I'm all, "WTF, where did the time go?!"
Aside from the usual holiday stress, things are going alright in my life. We finally found a wedding church that's pretty close to our reception site, so I'm feeling much better about things. I have my bridal party all set, including two of my 3-year-old cousins (one of whom is my godson) to be my ring bearers. They're going to be absolutely precious.
Next on the list will probably be finding a photographer/DJ/florist/pianist and picking the food and cake to serve at the reception.
I know this post is kind of all over the place today, but I'm in the computer lab at school with the sixth graders and I felt like updating.
--Dave Barry
I usually consider December to be my favorite month. Ironically, it can also be the most stressful.
The reason for both is Christmas. I think I like the anticipation that goes along with Christmas more than the day itself. The entire month of December is devoted to Christmas songs, cookies, TV specials and decorations out the wazoo.
It's also a time of shopping. On every December 26th, I promise myself that I'm going to get my shopping done early next year. And the day after every Thanksgiving, I think to myself, "Pfft, I've got plenty of time." And then mid-December comes around and I'm all, "WTF, where did the time go?!"
Aside from the usual holiday stress, things are going alright in my life. We finally found a wedding church that's pretty close to our reception site, so I'm feeling much better about things. I have my bridal party all set, including two of my 3-year-old cousins (one of whom is my godson) to be my ring bearers. They're going to be absolutely precious.
Next on the list will probably be finding a photographer/DJ/florist/pianist and picking the food and cake to serve at the reception.
I know this post is kind of all over the place today, but I'm in the computer lab at school with the sixth graders and I felt like updating.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Black Friday
"Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you."
--John De Paola
This one is for you, Chris!
I've heard that I haven't been updating my blog as often as I should. Seeing as my last post was in early November, I can't really deny that. My days have mostly been spent stressing out over the wedding, my ever-frustrating job search and various other bumps in the road. Also, I'm never sure how much I should write about my wedding planning. I don't want to become too annoying.
Anywho, I hope everyone enjoyed their Black Friday! (Oh yeah, and Thanksgiving.) My family and I were crazy enough to get to Kohl's at 3 a.m. this year. And all in all, it was a pleasant experience. Much better than last year, at least.
Last year I had just gotten off of my crutches from a sprained ankle. It had started to really hurt after four hours and my sister fetched me a wheelchair. Not only do I hate unwanted attention, but we went into a lot of crowded shops with narrow aisles. It mostly went like this:
Me: Ow!
Jen: Sorry.
Me: GAH!
Jen: Whoops.
Me: JEN!!!
Jen: My bad.
Anyway. The wedding planning is going well. Kinda. I'm having a hell of a time finding a church in which to get married. I'll feel much better when we have that booked.
Side note 1: I've seen Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 twice already. And I don't care if you judge me. I judge YOU if you haven't seen it. I'm looking at you, parents.
Side note 2: There are two episodes left of Dexter for this season. This show is most definitely adding to my stress level. It. Is. Epic.
I'll start writing more regularly. Promise. But right now, I've got to take this third grader down to dinner.
--John De Paola
This one is for you, Chris!
I've heard that I haven't been updating my blog as often as I should. Seeing as my last post was in early November, I can't really deny that. My days have mostly been spent stressing out over the wedding, my ever-frustrating job search and various other bumps in the road. Also, I'm never sure how much I should write about my wedding planning. I don't want to become too annoying.
Anywho, I hope everyone enjoyed their Black Friday! (Oh yeah, and Thanksgiving.) My family and I were crazy enough to get to Kohl's at 3 a.m. this year. And all in all, it was a pleasant experience. Much better than last year, at least.
Last year I had just gotten off of my crutches from a sprained ankle. It had started to really hurt after four hours and my sister fetched me a wheelchair. Not only do I hate unwanted attention, but we went into a lot of crowded shops with narrow aisles. It mostly went like this:
Me: Ow!
Jen: Sorry.
Me: GAH!
Jen: Whoops.
Me: JEN!!!
Jen: My bad.
Anyway. The wedding planning is going well. Kinda. I'm having a hell of a time finding a church in which to get married. I'll feel much better when we have that booked.
Side note 1: I've seen Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 twice already. And I don't care if you judge me. I judge YOU if you haven't seen it. I'm looking at you, parents.
Side note 2: There are two episodes left of Dexter for this season. This show is most definitely adding to my stress level. It. Is. Epic.
I'll start writing more regularly. Promise. But right now, I've got to take this third grader down to dinner.
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